My very considerate boyfriend Chuck is always thinking of my nutritional needs when he goes to the grocery store, which he sometimes does all by himself, even though by most other indications he is a boy.
He’s kind of awesome that way.
I think I might keep him.
His most recent outing was no different, and on that particular occasion he decided that my needs included a fabulous new style of potato chips that supposedly taste like a “Classic BLT” sandwich.
Now, knowing my boyfriend, who is both a nonpracticing Jew and a an enemy of nearly all vegetables, it was definitely the B that interested him, not the L or the T.
Because this boy loves him some bacon.
And on that we agree.
So we were both quite eager to tear into this new delicacy, and were thus quite disappointed when we discovered that it tasted like none of the aforementioned initials whatsoever, but rather like a perfectly ordinary sour cream and onion.
Sigh.
Didn’t anyone try the blessed things before they sold them?
Apparently not.
At this point, not being satisfied to cut our losses and move on with our lives, which would almost certainly have been the better part of wisdom, Chuck and I made an even more grievous error in judgment, electing to flip the bag over and READ THE FREAKIN’ INGREDIENTS.
We wanted to know just exactly which particular elements made the chips taste nothing like the items they were supposed to taste like, and it didn’t take long to figure it out.
See below, if you think you have the stomach for it.
Wait, whaaaat???
Natural bacon type flavor? Natural lettuce type flavor???
What in the sweet Sam Hill does that even MEAN????
I do not want to know. I just really do not.
And sadly, that is not even the scariest part.
No, I’m afraid it isn’t.
The scariest part is that I am still eating them. In fact, I am thinking of going to get some right now.
Because I like sour cream and onion, dagnabit. And we PAID for them, besides.
Good thing I believe in the afterlife, right? I’ll let you know how it is when I get there, which will probably be in fairly short order at this rate. I’m quite sure it will be lovely.
I just hope they have real bacon.
Amazing what sort of unnatural “foods” you can make with supposedly “all natural ingredients.”
Oh ayuh. I suppose just about anything on the planet could conceivably be considered “natural,” if you really wanted to. Which I do not.
Even more *food* for thought: how much do they pay the guy who invents “natural lettuce type flavor”? And how much do they pay the copy editor who makes up the words for the ingredient list? I wonder which one makes more? I think I want both of their jobs!!
Don’t worry, you can probably have them soon. I doubt they will live long either, if they are eating their words, so to speak.
I just want to know, if they make a movie about this product, how on earth they can avoid type casting? Ha ha ha ha snorfle.