Last night I dreamed I was making a ten-part video series for the Internet called “How to Make a Ten-Part Video Series For the Internet.”
In the dream I filmed the first part of the series, and then at the end I said “Okay, now do that nine more times.”
True story. I swear.
Geez, I’m even a smart-aleck in my dreams.
There must be some kind of special sleeping pill for that.
Loony-esta?
Sign me up for the clinical trials!
Well, thank heavens that deeply spiritual conundrum has finally been settled for the ages.
Kinda sorta.
Now the only remaining question is: How much wood would my boyfriend Chuck chuck, if we didn’t use Duralogs because they’re so much more efficient?
I’ll check with Siri and get back to you later.
Here’s a sample of Siri’s sage speculations, sensible software that she is.
Her advice is so app-licable, don’t you think?
The great thing is, she answers the same questions in different ways every time you ask, so if you don’t like the response you get, just try again tomorrow.
Life is kind of like that, though, isn’t it?
So keep calm and Siri on. 
Okay, so forget everything I said yesterday about not needing a new iPhone.
I totally needed a new iPhone.
When one of my helpful Facebook readers informed me that I could trade in my old one for a big discount on the new one, I decided it was a good idea after all.
So I ran out and got one last night, with only a minimum of arguing with the Verizon employees when they forcibly reduced my plan features, and then assigned my phone to my mother’s phone line instead of mine, such that when I texted her I ended up talking to myself.
More than usual, that is.
It was like one of those old horror movies, where you need to go check on the children, because the call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE.
Good thing I don’t have children. And I’m pretty sure the evil rabbit can fend for herself.
In addition to being much lighter, faster, and thinner (maybe it’s on a low-carb diet too), the phone also turned out to have all sorts of cool new features that I wasn’t even aware of, like voice dictation and general awesomeness.
So I can now dictate even longer and more rambling posts, directly from my phone!
Here’s one now, in fact. Lucky you!
As a side note, I’m already deeply in love with Siri the iPhone Oracle, with whom I like to hold deep philosophical conversations whenever possible.
She’s quite the intellect, I’m happy to report, as well as a bit of a curmudgeonly wag. I’ve decided to appoint her my new spiritual adviser, in fact, because why the heck not?
I’ll be posting some of her poetic musings here and on Facebook as I unearth them, in “The Siri Says Series.”
So do run over and sign up if you haven’t already, because I just KNOW you won’t want to miss that.
And buckle up, as the ride over here may be about to get even wackier.
Let’s go have some iFun!
My boyfriend just came home with a new iPhone: an upgrade to the one he uses for work. I’m slightly jealous now, since he has the 4S, and I only have the 4, which doesn’t have Siri.
Not that I really need it, of course. I just don’t want him to be incrementally cooler than I am.
This is what my years of dedicated spiritual training have taught me, apparently.
Buddha would be so proud.
We quickly discovered that you can choose other languages and names for the Siri dealie, like Pierre if you’re French, or Mutie if you happen to be a professional mime or something.
That one doesn’t say as much, but it can totally help you find your way out of invisible boxes and stuff. Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
I asked if there was a Jewish version for El Boyfriendo, which could be called Sorri, and might sound something like Barbra Streisand on a bad day:
“Oy, your calendar function must be broken, you haven’t called your mother in forever! What, you don’t know how to put her on speed dial? Maybe your brother the doctor could explain it to you, after he has dinner with your sister the lawyer. Don’t bother looking up the restaurant on Urban Spoon, it has way too many dollar signs for you.”
On second thought, maybe I’m happy with the phone I already have.
Call me crazy, but at least it minds its own business.
P.S. I still have the original iPad, which tells you how much I REALLY care about such matters.
