Can I please sit DOWN now?
Today is technically the first day of the new week. And where housecleaning is concerned, the only thing worse than the first day of the new week is the first day of the new week following a three-day weekend.
And the only thing worse than THAT is a three day weekend that also included a major holiday. With like, wrapping paper all over it and whatnot.
So again I say oy.
Our specific household includes: one elderly rabbit whose biological output seems wildly disproportionate to her intake, a small parrot who seems to regard people primarily as chew toys and modes of transportation, two mice who are surprisingly little trouble, and a boyfriend who, while perfectly delightful in all other respects, possesses organizational skills well in keeping with the stereotypical characteristics of his gender.
And then some.
If I didn’t keep up, in fact, I’d probably have trouble finding HIM after a couple of days.
Thus, having spent the morning sweeping up several cups of the rabbit’s “life cereal,” finishing the holiday dishes, and dealing with the Leaning Tower of Laundry, I am more than ready for a little respite.
And while I’m taking it, I’ll share with you my very best housecleaning secret, purely to assist you in your own post-holiday reparations, if you need it.
Now, I will add the minor caveat that this tip is really intended for a specific group of people who, like me, are both fortunate enough to be a little nearsighted, and unfortunate enough to be a little OCD, neatness-wise.
However, if you do happen to fall into that admittedly somewhat restricted category, listen up. This advice is for you.
Are you paying attention?
Because this is the good stuff.
TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES WHILE YOU’RE CLEANING.
Yep, that’s right.
Simple but effective.
Consider the case of the elderly rabbit, for example. Picking up after her is a largely thankless task, since due to a general refusal to remain litter-trained, her enclosure reverts to its previous condition approximately five minutes after I finish.
And the same can be said of the aforementioned parrot, who dribbles half of his expensive pelleted diet on the kitchen floor in the form of a very fine powder. Evidently the phrase “eat like a bird” translates roughly to “inhale twice your own weight in food, and fling half of it on the carpet.”
So since he is constantly eating, I am constantly cleaning.
And let’s not even talk about the boyfriend, shall we?
There are issues with socks.
Some of you may relate.
But as soon as I subtract my spectacles, the world fades to a soft and somehow less compelling haze, and I can no longer see the minute and distracting particles of anything.
This comes as quite a relief to me, and I recommend it to the more orderly among you.
Or to the orderlies who look after you.
Oh, and as a side bonus, it makes the Christmas tree look GORGEOUS.
Once you’ve completed your myopic ministrations, however, I’ll offer one more bonus tip for your edification – DON’T LOOK BACK once you’ve put your glasses on again, to find the bits you may have missed.
Just do not.
Because I’m fairly sure (though not entirely) that if you can’t see them, then they can’t see you.
And you have better things to do with your valuable time, slightly OCD people, am I right?
Like rearranging the fridge again.
In size-descending order.